12 Comments
Oct 1, 2022·edited Oct 1, 2022Liked by Tarzan Kay

It was scary as fck to rally up enough courage to speak up as a safe drug user. Thank you for the opportunity to openly and honestly discuss.

As a person with a history of addiction, I am also a regular drug user. First, I want to say that this is possible for me because of what I have (like you!) committed to learning about myself and studying, both with safe drug use and addiction. I agree with TK & Liz; drugs without education are reckless and abusive, and education without drugs is irresponsible and unsafe. It is a complicated topic with many elements: imagine if we could all easily talk about the hard stuff - money, sex, consent, drugs and racism? Tragically, individuals are solely responsible for knowing those essential skills, including drug history and risks. Trying to "figure it out" isn't adequate, even when it is about backcountry camping! More information is available when these conversations are open without judgment.

♥️ Dr. Carl Hart states language shapes our thinking. "We need to embrace drugs themselves, relationships with drugs and the continuum of use in a holistic way."

— thank you for being here, raising awareness and reducing the risk through education and building community, trust, exploring, and sharing openly. I also acknowledge I am a privileged person, and there are fewer barriers for me. Everyone's journey is different, and I can only speak for myself.

Ps. You are my favourite safe drug use blurter! (Thank you for the shout out!!)

Expand full comment
Oct 1, 2022·edited Oct 1, 2022

Hey beautiful human. (xoxo)

Can you clarify what you mean or point me in the direction of a resource to learn more about what you said here...

"...and education without drugs is irresponsible and unsafe."

I understand and agree with the first bit "drugs without education are reckless and abusive" but not sure I'm understanding the second clause.

Thanks boo. You're the best.

Expand full comment

Hey!! Good catch!! That should have read, "education without teaching about drugs is irresponsible and unsafe." Of course, current public education teaches from War on Drugs (1960) anti-drug propaganda (which is not about drugs, it is about targetting BIPOC), banning drugs and driven by fear. Knowing enough to have conversations with our children is the only safe measure we have to prevent what you named in your message. Resources depending on how deep you want to go? As Tarzan mentioned Gabor Maté - he is the best resource for understanding why people use drugs. Check out: Drug Use for Grown-Ups by Dr Carl L Hart, Good Chemistry by Julie Holland, The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, Drugs Without the Hot Air: Making Sense of Legal and Illegal Drugs by David Nutt. You can also check into the relative success of decriminalization in Portugal.

Expand full comment
Oct 1, 2022Liked by Tarzan Kay

I think you just normalized both hallucinogens and camping.

Expand full comment

For some reason, this made me lolz.

Expand full comment
Oct 1, 2022Liked by Tarzan Kay

Thank you Tarzan. Like Liz this essay brought up a lot for me, I'm not upset, but have questions.

I think these conversations need to be had, and I think you are strong and brave to start them.

What comes up for me is that I used to be a daily pot smoker. Like for years, maybe a decade. I went through a big trauma when I was 23 and I truly bow to marijuana for protecting me in the aftermath of that. If I hadn't been in that soft, hazy cocoon who knows what I would have done to myself.

But at some point the protection turned into an obstacle. I was so habituated to being in the cocoon that being outside of it felt harsh. But I needed to hatch. I needed to move on from the place of being someone just trying to survive being alive, to someone who was moving forward, and the drug use definitely got in the way.

By moving to a yoga ashram, and then to a remote farm in Costa Rica I was able to release the marijuana. I guess I pulled a geographic, to reference what little I know about AA, but it's worked so far. And it's drastic, I know, not that stopping smoking pot was the only reason I made these moves.

What's weird is whenever I go home (Maine, USA) I just want to start smoking again. It's like my whole worldview there needs the filter of being a little stoned to be happy. Or maybe it's needing to be stoned to feel peaceful and connected. I'm not sure.

Even now that I feel like my life, not to mention my health (it's been a huge improvement since I quit smoking and stopped making my liver work so hard) is so improved, I still want to smoke pot, to feel happy, to feel like whatever, life is amazing, so what if it's also hard.

I think my point is that I get that drugs aren't always bad. And I also know from firsthand experience that drugs can be harmful, maybe not in the way that Liz does, but in the way drugs can really fuck with the energetic field around us in so many ways. Like not just our own energy, but that someone will shoot you if they want your drugs, the money and intentions involved, all of it. And does this change if drugs become legalized and dispensed at the pharmacy or by licensed people only. Are we then just owned even more by big Pharma? What is the solution here?

Expand full comment
author

These are really interesting questions. One thing that stands out in your story is that with drugs it’s often very all or nothing. That’s one thing I don’t love about AA - that you have to identify as an addict for the rest of your life and can never use any substance again.

It sounds to me like you have an improved ability to self-regulate when you’re back in Maine, but there’s still some unresolved feelings there about whether or not it’s okay to be doing this. I’ve felt that a LOT. I’m lucky to have my bestie to be in constant honest conversation with about how we’re using drugs, if we’re avoiding something or trying too hard to fast-track some painful healing.

Just being able to ask the question and live in the nuance of all possible answers is really powerful and also can be a lot to hold.

Expand full comment

I find it interesting to think of using the substance as the method of self-regulation. I guess I've tended to think of it as the result of losing the battle of self-regulation.

Expand full comment
author

I know some people who choose not to use drugs because they aren’t able to self-regulate. I think it’s a different choice. If you’re not using at all, is that regulating? “Losing the battle of self-regulation,” to me, would be using too much or too often such that you aren’t able to live and show up in your life the way you really want. But if you’re clear what dosage is appropriate for you, and you don’t go over the amount, that fits my definition of self-regulation.

Expand full comment

Hi again, Tarzan. I found you online through Kate Northrup and now I've been listening to some podcasts with you talking about psychedelics, divorce, and online marketing.

I'm all for trying to "figure it out" and doing it in an open and vulnerable way. I don't think there's one right way for everybody and I'm joining the conversation because I appreciate what you're doing here.

No amount of pot smoking makes me feel good anymore. I can't deny it. Even though it feels good in the moment, I always feel a little dead inside later. The trade-off has become not worth it. So for me, self-regulation is to remember that the trade-off isn't worth it.

Expand full comment

As someone who has seen firsthand the worst side of drugs (my mother's first husband was a heroin addict and dealer, I've been shot at in a crack deal gone wrong, had more than a handful of friends die before hs graduation from overdose, my brother was killed by an alcoholic drunk driver)...it's hard for me to wrap my head around some drugs NOT being better than others.

Yet at the same time, I do agree the stigma around has made all of the above true.

I find this essay in particular upsetting. Which of course means, I should explore that more.

However, I disagree that camping and drug use will ever be on the same level. From my line of thinking, camping will never have the weight that drugs carry. Even in the most elevated society, drugs must be handled with more care and responsibility than camping.

I like and dislike this comparison at the same time:

"Going camping is just like doing drugs. It’s only dangerous if you aren’t prepared and don’t have the information you need to do it safely."

It makes sense and rings true...to a point. I believe the comparison isn't wholly accurate. From my experience, the "danger" is much greater as an unprepared, uninformed drug user than a camper.

Which I suppose just may prove your point, Tarzan. That we need to talk more about this.

I'm talking in circles. Going off to think and read a bit. Thank you for writing.

Expand full comment
author

Thanks for your candid reply, Liz. You’re right to point out that some drugs carry much more inherent risks than camping. By the same token, some kinds of camping (like say, whitewater kayaking in unknown territory without proper training) carry way more risk than certain kinds of drugs (like say, psychedelic mushrooms enjoyed at home with a trusted friend).

I’ve also seen some of my closest people struggle with heroin addiction too and I wonder if it’s not the existence of trauma, lack of support, and major systemic issues like lack of access to proper health care and housing, that pose the real danger.

Gabor Mate has some interesting thoughts on how some people use drugs to cope with the hand they’re dealt, and what if that isn’t actually also a brave choice? There’s a Netflix doc called The Wisdom of Trauma that gave me some good perpective on that, if you feel like digging into it.

That said, I also want to acknowledge that it’s really hard to see family members suffering with drug addiction (something I know all too well) and jump on board with a ra-ra message about drugs being safe and wonderful for everyone. They’re not. And it’s painful and sad and rips at my heart too, so I’m glad you brought that up.

I’ll talk in circles with you anyway, Liz. Your perspective is always welcome here.

Expand full comment