When they announced the opening of a new Bass Pro Shop location near my house I thought to myself, “Who in the world even goes there??” Two people I kind of knew were so excited about it, further confusing me since I actually liked those people. (Spoiler: I can be a judgmental asshole sometimes.)
The irony was not lost on me as I strode to the back corner of Bass Pro Shop last week to browse their overpriced camping supplies. I’m not sure if I love camping yet, but I do know that I love shopping for gear. I never thought I could get so excited about a lightweight tarp made of 210D ripstop nylon with six reinforced guy points. I didn’t even know what MEC was like six months ago and look at me now, wearing a goddamn 60-litre backpack:
“Where do I find the bear spray?” I ask the older fellow working the counter, and he pulls out a fat binder from under the counter. “You’ll have to fill out some paperwork,” he says. “What are you planning to use it for?”
“Umm…bears, I guess? I’m going camping,” I reply tentatively, worried he will see how green I am and try to talk me out of the bear sightseeing trip I'm planning.
“I don’t know anything,” I add quickly. May as well put it out there.
He proceeds to instruct me on how to use the bear spray. “It’s got a 15 ft range,” he says, “but don’t spray upwind or it’ll blow right back and burn your face.” He does not say what to do if the bear is upwind, and tbh, I’m not even sure I know what upwind means.
Next he tells me, in vague language so that he can maintain plausible deniability, that it also works on people. “All three of my daughters carry pepper spray in their purses,” he says, but we both know he means bear spray. I don’t know why I was so resistant to this place. The crossbows make me nervous, but mostly I love it here.
Bears or no bears, but most probably bears, I am going into the woods.
Last Spring, halfway through the grittiest and most challenging year of my life, I was called to the water to heal. I have been in or on (but mostly in) the water three times a week since May. I have prioritised canoe practice over everything and everyone, letting the water hold me and carry me through an unrelenting storm of hard things. Only with my left toes wedged against the footboard, right knee up, back straight and shoulders strong, do I actually feel like the brave warrior that I am. Every stroke is a victory, until the boat throws me out for the twelfth time that day and I have to swim back to the dock, dragging my boat along the water behind me and start all over again. At Canoe Club I found a place of healthy belonging like I’ve never known before. It was, and is, one of the most precious things in my life.
Now I am being called to the forest. I’m not sure why yet but I think it has something to do with being in right relationship with the land, so that I can be in right relationship with myself and my body, my loved ones, even my business and my customers.
I didn’t want to wait for someone to teach me about camping, so I started watching YouTube videos and listening to podcasts. I wanted to learn how to tie knots, hang a tarp, strap a kayak onto a roof rack, start a fire with a flint, keep a tent dry when it’s raining, cook food on an open fire, and read actual maps.
Many experienced campers were talking about how, since the lockdowns, there are so many more campers in Ontario’s parks, inexperienced campers who haven’t bothered to learn even the basics, who’ll set up a tent any old place, leave garbage and toilet paper everywhere, drag in wood from wherever and meander off trails, trampling delicate plants and soil.
…which is exactly what you might expect from those of us who were raised in cities and other places of power and privilege, those of us with whom the extractive nature of colonisation was not discussed, where it was okay to claim ownership of anyone and anything. It’s that same gap in understanding that is now colouring so much of the conversation about Queen Elizabeth II, where her death is often mourned without an acknowledgment that she also oversaw decades of genocide and colonisation. What can we DO to repair a level of harm that often feels irreparable, an impossible hill to climb?
For some years I ran a highly-extractive business that was rooted in the false meritocratic belief that anyone can have wealth, power and expert status if they just work hard enough. I know now that that isn’t true, and I long to contribute to reparations for the harm done by the colonial capitalist patriarchy. (A mouthful, yes. But there it is.)
Maybe that’s why I feel so drawn to learn these land-based values. It’s a very basic and doable application of decolonisation work. From a distance it probably looks like I’m being a rule-follower, talking about bear lockers, checking regulations and ticking my boxes on proper camper etiquette.
principles like “leave no trace” aren’t arbitrary rules to me—they are concrete ways of being in right relationship with the land
Principles like “leave no trace” aren’t arbitrary rules to me. They are concrete ways of being in right relationship with the land. For me, it’s a way to steward this precious thing that was passed on to me that I did not earn and that I do not own. It is one small way that I can grapple with the lineage of colonisation I was born into, one I did not ask for but nevertheless benefit from.
And I am signing up to do that work, one cat hole at a time. 🏕
A few tidbits you may find interesting:
Advice for beginners: Do not buy camping supplies at Bass Pro, home of the worst deals ever. Their prices scream “We have HUGE overhead, people! I mean, have you seen our square footage!?” Their biggest store is half a million square feet. It’s in Missouri and, weirdly, it’s also one of the largest pyramids in the world. idk 🤷🏻♀️
I keep promising to publish something I wrote about love a few weeks ago, but I decided not to. Putting my raw, messy self on the internet may be the right choice for me, but it’s not for everyone. I am choosing to save someone I dearly love from further pain. Maybe it’ll be a chapter in my book one day, but today these tender hearts are taking some much-needed respite.
Last week I published some amateur camping advice from a world renowned expert, in case you missed it. (I think I’m hilarious.)
Camper Christina is my new internet crush. She sells a $20 course on Udemy called “Backcountry Camping for Beginners” that is just pulsing to the beat of her sweet, land-loving heart. Stewardship in action.
Regarding the death of Queen Elizabeth II, I would encourage my readers who have not begun the work of decolonisation to listen to what Black, Brown and Indigenous people are feeling and thinking at this time. You could start with the Instagram account @decolonizemyself or even just read this post by @selamdebs. No need to comment or repost or try and get on the “right side” of this if you are a white person. There are no sides and we are all learning. Just listening is okay.
Even more than camping, I dream of boats. Carbon-kevlar is new love language. Just in case anyone is wondering what I want for my birthday on November the 6th (add to calendar, maybe?), it’s this boat. At 34.5cm wide, it’s skinny but strong just like me. A fighter for a fighter.
God save my boat,
Tarzan
As a black American, the specific topic of colonization didn’t impact my issue with the Queen as much as it did with my Caribbean-born and African-born friends. So even I had some learning to do in that regard. But her recent connection with the racist treatment of Megan, Harry, and their child was unacceptable and much more familiar to my experience. I don’t know the depth of the Queen’s alleged involvement, but as the leader, some of the responsibility will always lie with her. Racism is so laughably ignorant, I find myself numb and unbothered in lots of cases. But what I’m not gonna do is mourn the loss of someone who upholds it in any way. So I find myself indifferent…neither happy nor sad at her passing…not celebrating her life or legacy but also not putting forth effort to shun it. This is the most attention I’ve given this topic, and I already feel like I’ve given it more than necessary. So on that note ✌🏽😘